Today, that smile is real...

Here's something to share that would probably draw laughs for being cheesy.

The nicest thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago.I've been meaning to write about it, but I thought I'd keep it to myself for a couple of days first and just relish the memory and the feelings that were stirred while it still lingers.

Now that my feet are back on the ground and reality has bitten me big time, I can write about it. Haha!

Since the tragedy of 2006 until this very day, if memory serves me correctly, I've only gone on two dates. But both led to nowhere. The first one I thought was going well, but then I saw that I was just being used to a certain extent. When it's convenient for that person, we would go out. Otherwise, I wouldn't really hear anything. The other one I thought had better chances. We seemed to have the same level of maturity, we seemed to share similar thoughts on a number of things, we seemed to be prepared for whatever that road we were taking. It didn't take long for me to find out that I was the only one ready for the next leg of the trip. The person pulled a complete 180 and that was it.

After these two simudates, I don't recall having another date. Some friends would be kind and try to set me up. But it's a bit tricky and amusing because some friends think that it's enough that the prospect and I both like the same fruit. Hehehe!

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I met this really nice person and it wasn't even a date at all. A friend of a friend, this person and I needed to meet up because I needed this person to give something to our common friend. It wasn't really our first time to meet. We've met before but we never really got to sit down and talk.

But this time, we did.

In a cozy, little cafe. At some place in the city where heaven and earth meet. And at that particular hour, the world around us ceased to exist. Only the laughters were heard. Only the exchange of life experiences and thoughts on the most mundane and most serious topics occurred. Hahaha! Talk about emo, yeah?

Here's the thing though. There was no tinge of romance at all the whole time. For one, I would probably never see the light of the following day if I even thought anything. And knowing that we were worlds apart was more than enough to knock some sense into my head.

What has been making me smile the past couple of days is realizing that there was this certain feeling. A feeling which I haven't felt for the longest time, and I actually thought wouldn't feel any time soon. But it was there. And it was good. Am I confusing? You're probably thinking, "Didn't you just say that there was not a single drop of romance at all?" And you're right. There wasn't. There isn't. There won't be. With that particular person.

But what was there is that nice good experience of "feeling" once again. I can't remember the last time that I've experienced that kind of emotion - a mix of excitement, anxiety, the thought of a possibility of a possibility. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, but I'd like to think that I am.

The downside of this whole thing is that I was a bit saddened afterwards. For what reason? I guess it's because while I felt happy to be able to "feel" again, the downer was wondering where the several other versions of that person was here in this city. And what would it take for our paths to cross? What kind of push is needed for us to get to the crossroads? I have an idea and I still need a little push to do things. I'm sure I can rely on friends for that.

During the holiday break, I came across this box that has been hidden for the longest time. In this box were the letters, cards, souvenirs, of broken promises, of dreams that ceased to be a reality, of feelings that somehow just evaporated. I've been wondering what to do with it for the longest time. Should I throw away everything? Should I keep at least one good letter? Why is it hard for me to throw this box away?

After the get-together with the person above, I think I'm now ready to throw away that box. I guess I was holding on to it for fear that it would be my only link to remembering what love is like, what it means to be loved and what it is to love. But now I'm more convinced that I am still capable of feeling something for another person. And that when one least expects it, a feeling long forgotten is stirred and it brings back memories of just how good it is to feel that feeling once again. It's taken so long for me to move on from what happened two (now almost three years ago). I'm doing fine, but deep in my thoughts I know that there was still something there. And it doesn't help that people don't understand why you can't move on. But now, I think I'm really ready. And I have that person to thank.

So, really, thank you super! In the short span of time that we got together, you've helped me reach a breakthrough. It's not exactly the breakthrough I'd hope for, but at least, I know that I can work my way to reach that breakthrough. So really, thank you very much! I owe you big time.