Ode to the Nice [insert "PLU" here] Guys

I came across an entertaining and politically-irreverent (?) read -- Ode to the Nice Guys. Some of my girl friends would surely kill the person (not sure if it's a guy or a girl) who wrote the article. Hehe!

It's almost a weekend and I can't blog properly about the thoughts in my head because I'm thinking of the weekend.

So what's one bored guy to do? I violate all the intellectual property rights of another guy and re-wrote a queer version. Harhar! (I also commit a sin against Prada by taking the image above from their recent ad campaign. Eeep, mi dispiace Mrs. Prada. PLU. I have issues with that word, but I observed that more people find it "friendly." It's all the same to me - queer, gay, fag, PLU. Oh well, that's for another post.

Anyway, this looks like a bit of a long read and I'm sure there are typos and s-v agreement issues, pero hayaan ninyo na. Hahaha!

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Ode to the Nice insert "PLU" here Guys

This is a tribute to the nice PLU guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes the last three guys their PLU friends dated in the past week were, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who will down several bottles of San Mig Light, give reassuring pats on the back, and spot for their friends at the gym.

This is in honor of the PLU guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/handsome/smart/funny/ripped their friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know guys need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a guy’s every facet, from his rules on dating to his stand on relationships (whether exclusive or open) to his reasons for purchasing the absolutely expensive Prada.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered guy friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re in the car, for the guys who accompany guy friends to bars as buffers against that particular male population composed of insanely good-looking but two-timing airheads, for the guys who know a guy is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice PLU guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time he left 5 urgent messages and 10 missed calls on your cell phone, and when you called back, you spent one hour painstakingly dissecting the fight with his boyfriend over a supposedly wrong sent text message. And even though you thought his boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured him that it was all ok and that the two of them should just talk it out since that’s what guys (at least, the gay ones) do, they talk. (Of course you suggested Brian Kinney's solution, to f*ck instead of to talk) This is for that time he asked you to skip the first day of the mad sale of all Rustan's and SSI brands because he needed to rant about a rumor that romantically linked him and the colleague he thinks is the most repulsive person in the world.

And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you forgot about the pair of Kenneth Coles you’ve been eyeing for the longest time and helped him craft a counter-gossip to spread on Facebook and Blogger. This is also for that time he didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, he dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the vino was awful, and he flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “Oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for his ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice PLU guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed in the scene couple of years back and what I have learned from talking to equally nice guy friends, the only conclusion I can form is that many PLU guys are just illogical, manipulative bitches. (Is it still the same these days?) Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “Oh, he needs to work on his abs” or “He would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “He already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out” or the most frustrating of all: “No, I don’t want to be his boyfriend, I just want him to be my bedfriend.”

Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date PLU guy friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that I believe that the nice-PLU guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. Surely, there are guys who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those guys, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those guys are found, I propose a toast to all the nice PLU guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as charmingly nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience at the gym, your holding open of doors (even though you’re both guys entering/leaving the room), your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for another night of partying. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.