I wanted more, he wanted less...

I wanted a nice date. He wanted something, well, less.

There I was at this bar in Smallville, having such a blast on the dance floor. I'm sure the pitcher of margarita downed earlier with my friend and the second bottle of San Mig Light in my hand had something to do with it. There I was just dancing to the thumping of the DJ, unmindful of the people around me.. Yeah, I did a crowd scan and when I noticed that most of the crowd were kiddies, I went back to just enjoying the good music.

Then this guy and his guy friend were dancing right next to me. I wasn't sure if they were with other people. I wasn't sure if he played for the team. I'm sure his friend does. Hehe! So I was just doing my thing and I would look at him once in a while.

Two, three songs later, I found myself daring enough to do something I don’t usually do - I held his hand. No, San Mig Light held the guy's hand. I was merely just an instrument of that alcohol to do it's thing. He held my hand back. And then I would let go, just to make sure that he knew what was happening.

A couple of hand grazes more and introductions were made. Not even the deafening club music stopped us from trying to hear each other. In fact, the loud music gave us reason to get closer and whisper to each other's ears. I found out that he's in town for vacation. That he's from Cebu. That his name was ****, but let's call him Doc. That he was based in Manila (and this was my favorite)!!!

I bought Doc a beer, and we spent the next hour or so just dancing. His friend left and just messaged that he went ahead already. I couldn't care less. Eeep! I knew the club catered to a "mixed" crowd, so I didn't hesitate to put my hands around his waist. Doc didn't think twice when he put his arms around my neck. Man, I couldn't believe what was happening was happening. There amidst that packed crowd, Doc and I danced like we've known each other for years. I made Doc turn around so that he can lean on me, while I wrapped my arms around his trunk. Doc rested his head on my chest. Gawd, it was really happening.

A couple of times he left me to say he was going to the men's, and I was half-expecting him not to return, but we still found each other and carried on with things.

I was sure Doc had way too many SMLs already, but I'm sure he was still aware of what was happening. Had I been an a-hole, I would have taken advantage of the situation. I would have kissed him on the lips. I would have placed my hands on places where it shouldn't be. I would have been an ultimate jackass.

But I'm not. What do I do instead? I get him bottled water and make him drin k it so it could hopefully help sober him up. I held him in my arms, let him rest his head on my shoulder. I comb through his hair with my hands, hoping that it would give some soothing relief. I kept on telling him that we should leave already so that he wouldn't miss his flight.

This may be hard to believe, but I was ready to help him pack his bag and accompany him to the airport just to make sure he didn't miss his really, really early flight. I thought to myself that since I've practically just little sleep time, I might as well stay awake for the remaining hours. And for some reason, I knew I would feel bad if Doc missed his flight.

Three hours before his flight, we were at his room. I sat on the side of one bed waiting for the Doc to finish packing before wishing him a safe trip and putting him on a cab. What happened next was not what I had in mind.

When Doc finished packing, he turned off the TV and lay on the bed where I sat. He took off his shirt and unbuckled his belt. I ignored him, but I lay beside him and reminded him that it was time to go. How did Doc respond?

He pushed my head down, way down.

One would think it was perfect. For a twenty-year-old boy with raging hormones maybe.

I thought, "What?! This is just going to be a one-night stand. The past couple of hours is only going to lead to this."

You might probably say, "Well, what did you expect?" I dunno. I guess I thought we could have been the exception that night, but as it turns out, we weren't. It was just another random hookup.

I knew what I had to do, and surprisingly, I didn't find it very hard to do it. Yeah, stone me for being a prude at that moment, but I didn't have regrets. Before I left, I gave Doc a kiss on the cheek and said, "I thought you'd want something more."

And without thinking again, I left the half-asleep, half-naked guy and walked back to where I was headed.

The situation kind of reminded me of a scene from Broken Hearts Club, the queer fic every newbie should watch. LOL! That scene where Kevin and J. Crew Guy were about to go at it, and he changes his mind.

What's surprising though is that I seem to be okay. I'm not cool with it, but it didn't ruin the remainder of my stay in the city. Jani the tarot card reader mentioned that I needed to shatter some notions I had and I guess this was a start. Sayang lang because I thought it was more than what it was. Oh well. Moving on.

Ode to the Nice [insert "PLU" here] Guys

I came across an entertaining and politically-irreverent (?) read -- Ode to the Nice Guys. Some of my girl friends would surely kill the person (not sure if it's a guy or a girl) who wrote the article. Hehe!

It's almost a weekend and I can't blog properly about the thoughts in my head because I'm thinking of the weekend.

So what's one bored guy to do? I violate all the intellectual property rights of another guy and re-wrote a queer version. Harhar! (I also commit a sin against Prada by taking the image above from their recent ad campaign. Eeep, mi dispiace Mrs. Prada. PLU. I have issues with that word, but I observed that more people find it "friendly." It's all the same to me - queer, gay, fag, PLU. Oh well, that's for another post.

Anyway, this looks like a bit of a long read and I'm sure there are typos and s-v agreement issues, pero hayaan ninyo na. Hahaha!

===========================

Ode to the Nice insert "PLU" here Guys

This is a tribute to the nice PLU guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes the last three guys their PLU friends dated in the past week were, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who will down several bottles of San Mig Light, give reassuring pats on the back, and spot for their friends at the gym.

This is in honor of the PLU guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/handsome/smart/funny/ripped their friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know guys need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a guy’s every facet, from his rules on dating to his stand on relationships (whether exclusive or open) to his reasons for purchasing the absolutely expensive Prada.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered guy friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re in the car, for the guys who accompany guy friends to bars as buffers against that particular male population composed of insanely good-looking but two-timing airheads, for the guys who know a guy is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice PLU guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time he left 5 urgent messages and 10 missed calls on your cell phone, and when you called back, you spent one hour painstakingly dissecting the fight with his boyfriend over a supposedly wrong sent text message. And even though you thought his boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured him that it was all ok and that the two of them should just talk it out since that’s what guys (at least, the gay ones) do, they talk. (Of course you suggested Brian Kinney's solution, to f*ck instead of to talk) This is for that time he asked you to skip the first day of the mad sale of all Rustan's and SSI brands because he needed to rant about a rumor that romantically linked him and the colleague he thinks is the most repulsive person in the world.

And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you forgot about the pair of Kenneth Coles you’ve been eyeing for the longest time and helped him craft a counter-gossip to spread on Facebook and Blogger. This is also for that time he didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, he dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the vino was awful, and he flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “Oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for his ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice PLU guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed in the scene couple of years back and what I have learned from talking to equally nice guy friends, the only conclusion I can form is that many PLU guys are just illogical, manipulative bitches. (Is it still the same these days?) Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “Oh, he needs to work on his abs” or “He would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “He already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out” or the most frustrating of all: “No, I don’t want to be his boyfriend, I just want him to be my bedfriend.”

Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date PLU guy friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that I believe that the nice-PLU guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. Surely, there are guys who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those guys, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those guys are found, I propose a toast to all the nice PLU guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as charmingly nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience at the gym, your holding open of doors (even though you’re both guys entering/leaving the room), your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for another night of partying. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

This Keepall is a keeper...

Can I be a bit materialistic with this post?

I've always had a love affairs with bags. I think it started in high school, when I went on a Benetton craze.

I still remember my first Benetton. A cousin gave it to me. It was a blue nylon drawstring backpack, that had a zebra and parrot print on it.

I dunno if the 90s teens would remember that Benetton line, but that was where I got started. I would save the measly allowance that I got, I did some summer work just to feed my craving for a bag.

Last year, I was lucky, very lucky to have been able to get one from this English brand that was popular for its swirly psychedelic colors. Too be honest, I never thought I would one day be able to carry one from that store. So obviously, that bag is very sentimental and is very much a treasured one.

It was because of that purchase that I started to be a bit bolder. Haha! I thought, "Hey, I only dreamt of getting a PS before but that became a reality. Maybe I could dream bigger. Haha!"

Lately, the stud above is the one haunting me in my dreams.

Boys, girls and undecided, meet the Damier Graphite Keepall 55.

It's a reworked version of the original Damier pattern (the one that looks like a checkerboard in brown colors). While the original pattern is man enough, the Graphite is much more masculine and sleek with its black-grey/dark bluish color scheme, yes?

The Damier Graphite line hit the stores in August 2008, and apparently it continues to be a favorite among the brand's very few male buyers. Hehe! Of the different styles, I fell in love with the Keepall. With its size and style, it's going to be versatile - for the gym, at work, for weekend trips, for just because days.

A couple of days ago, I finally had the guts to call the store in GB5 to inquire about it. The price isn't that different from what was listed on Eluxury before the online store closed shop(?). It's vertigo-inducing. Haha! There are only two pieces left, and in my dreams, I'm sure my name's written on one of it. I can already picture my initials A.L.M. stamped on the ID holder. Haha!

I forgot to ask if the Damier Graphite is going to be a permanent line, or at least, if the line would still be in production by 2010. Haha! Maybe by that time I would have saved enough already. Hehe! Or maybe I can forget Cambodge/Vietnam so I can jumpstart my Damier fund. (Just kidding, Wes. Just kidding.)

Oh well, Pinoy that I am, I'll just say, "Bahala na." Maybe I'll eventually get over it. Or maybe I would surprise myself and do the swipe. Eeeep! Is that bad? My Mom would surely castrate me if she found out that I have these thoughts in my head. And I'm sure she's going to kill me if I do make the purchase. Hahaha!

Or I can probably say to her, "Mom, at least I know the Keepall wouldn't break my heart. It's definitely a keeper." (And she'll reply, "Yeah, but it'll break your wallet and I'll break your neck.")

A scene from SATC plays in my head.

Samantha said about the Birkin bag, "Oh, honey, it's not so much the style. It's what carrying it means." "It means you're out 4,000 bucks," Carrie replied.

In this case, "I'm going to be out ----- bucks." Eeeep!

I'm going to take a cold shower now. Or I'll probably put a bucket of crushed ice on a pail of water and stick my head in it to knock some sense in me. Haha!

Finding the LSQC boys again...

This used to be my playground



The boys with our beloved rector then, Fr. Ed Tiamson

While visiting the Facebook pages of some friends, I came across one album of LSQC circa 90s with my classmates.

I was glad to see that the photos were tagged so I got to visit the FB pages of my classmates from grade school. Woohooo! I can't recall the last time I ever heard from these guys, so it was really nice getting reconnected to the LSQC boys through FB.

I spent seven years of my life in LSQC, and next to UP, I have to say that my days in LSQC have got to be the best. I really enjoyed the classes tremendously (haha, nerdo!) and I thought the teachers did a really good job in educating us.

Back then, I wasn't a big fan of the LSQC life. There is nothing more competitive than an all-boys school. Haha! It didn't help that I couldn't play basketball, or that I never wanted to get involved in these games that would get me detention. Hehe! But looking back now, LSQC is to be thanked for the great academic foundation.

Back to my classmates, I was surprised to see that most of the guys are already married and with kids. Married with kids. Gawd! It feels like it was only yesterday when we were still playing cops and robbers at the quadrangle.

I still remember them very much. There was Romero who was my regular lunch buddy along with Reyes. There's Navarro who was my (then) serious seatmate for years. There's Mamaradlo who I would play trivia games with during lunch. There's Rabatan who led the Dungeons & Dragons playing at noon. There's Carasig who had the largest GI Joe figure collection I've ever seen. There's Novenario who almost got me into trouble with the Discipline Office. Haha!

And now, the guys I practically grew up with are husbands and/or fathers.

I never really saw myself getting married immediately after college. It doesn't have anything to do with the "self-realization" I had in college. It's just that I had an idea how difficult it must be to get married and raise a family, so marriage and parenting weren't in my immediate plans. (This doesn't mean though that I don't want to get married or that I have no plans to get married. Cheesy person that I am, I will tie the knot with or without the legal recognition. Will talk about this some other time. Haha!)

I wonder who among my classmates turned out to be in the same boat that I am. I know for sure that him and him would. Hehe! I wonder what about him. He was always nice and fun to hang out with. Haha!

Man, talk about memories, huh. Nakaka-miss din pala ang grade school.

And for getting to bump into people from my growing up years, I have one more reason thank you Mr. Mark Zuckerberg. Hehe!

Two years na kami...

ng work that is. Haha!

July 2, 2007 signaled the start of another chapter of my life. I started working for one of the country's leading companies. Getting considered for the job was a blessing. Getting hired was much more.

Since that fateful day, everything has been a learning experience.I've had the best experiences, and some good experiences.

Yey! Happy anniversary, Smartee! =)

Finally did my first 10K... woohooo....

Having my first 10K is going to be the highlight of the week. Unless, of course I win the lotto or finally meet the one who'll grant me the dream to be a Stepford husband...hehehe... both of which are really unlikely. So I guess I'll stick with the 10K. Haha!

Yesterday was the Green is Good run in UP Diliman. Hey, that's my second run for the month. Woohooo!

It was really a good run to join. First, venue was in UP Diliman. As I've mentioned in a previous blog entry, I thought the change in scenery would be nice. It's always a joy to go back and see the old buildings, the Oblation, the Shopping Center, and so on. Second, the run was for the environment. Money to be raised will be used for a project for the Ipo Dam, I think. With the recent work assignment on the environment beat, I must say that I did get a bit "greener." Plus, I've actually gone to Ipo Dam and planted some seedlings so the whole run became more relevant. Third, we were a sponsor so I didn't have to worry about registration fee. Hehe! Hey, P250 is still P250, yeah?!

In one of my FB statuses, friend Gino said that I should just go for a 10K, try it out and see that I could actually do it. That's basically one reason why I decided to go for the 10K this time. I mean I'll never really find out if I can do it unless I try it, right?

So when Tey gave me the reg form for the run, I nervously checked the 10K box and gave the form back to her. And when I got my race pack last Friday, I thought to myself, "This is it. No turning back now."

I was a bit worried whether my knees could take it, or if I was prepared. My two other running inspirations, sisters Arlyn and Ryse, told me I can try the 10K when I can do a full 5K run without stopping to walk.

I knew I could already complete a 3K or 3.5K full run, and last Friday I tried to do a full run 5K on the treadmill at the gym. I didn't collapse, and I was still breathing regularly. In fact, I pushed myself a little more and did a 7.5K. That was my only preparation for the 10K run. (Well, unless you count the spinning and dance classes, but if we're talking about just running, then I haven't had plenty of practice in the past weeks.)

The run generally turned out to be quite good and enjoyable. As with the other runs, I always enjoy, enjoy the few minutes before the run. There's just so much energy, so much life in the air. Deadma na that I missed the White Party in Malate. I'm sure there were "others" who wanted to go to the party, but wasn't able to because they signed up for the run. Haha!

When the go signal was given, I revved up myself and started with a jog and later on, increased my pace. Uhm, I hated the stretch from Malcom Hall down to SPEAR, the roads were going up and down and I could really feel the shock on my knees. Argh! Other things that I didn't like were the fact that there were no more water stations on the second round of the 10K and that the timer seemed to have gone bonkers so that when I actually crossed the finish line, I had no idea what my time was. I hope the organizers release the results though. It's quite important me, since this will be my benchmark for the succeeding 10K runs. Hehehe!

What was enjoyable aside from the running environment was the company, of course. Went there with my colleagues and it was fun. Congrats to Rhyz for doing the 5K! Woohoo! Thanks to Reena for documenting the important event! And great hanging out with Luciano, Kuya Manny and Raya! Woohoo!

After the run, we headed to Shopping Center to complete the UP experience by having breakfast at Rodic's. Yey!

I'm already eyeing a next run. I just don't know if I can write about it because I may already be jobless the following day, if I wrote about it. Hehe!

A reading according to Jani...

Colleague from work Nova invited us to see her friend Jani the tarot card reader over the weekend. Some of the girls at work have gone to him and they say he's really good.

I'm not really a fan of tarot card or anything involving strangers predicting my future, but I thought I'd try it out just for fun. Since I knew I wouldn't be able to go to the White Party, I thought the visit to Jani would be my something fun on a Saturday night.

Met up with Nova, Rhyz and MJane at Newsdesk in Morato. We started early because I had to get home early to get enough sleep for my first 10K run ever this morning.

Alright, just a gist of what Jani told me. Surprisingly, the focus of my spread of cards was on relationships. When I allowed Noreen to use me as her guinea pig early this year for her tarot card reading practice, she said nothing romantic was in store for me because out of the how many cards that was about love and relationships, not one showed up.

Fast forward to last night and well, well, well, look do we have here. LOL! It seems that the stars have re-aligned or something. Haha!

Uhm, Jani said things that I already knew but I guess I needed to hear about it from someone else. He said I was afraid to let someone in, that I need to work on letting go of things, that I need to shatter some perspectives on certain things.

He said that I will fall in love. I registered a look on my face that said, "I have been in love." That's when he said, "You think you've been in love. You haven't. The past? That wasn't love. That was heartache. That was hurt."

Ouch! But a little more thinking and I thought the guy was right. Hehe!

He did also say things that I already know but needed to hear from someone else. That I'm basically afraid to let someone in, that I neeed to work on letting go of things, that I need to appreciate more of myself.

He said, "You're afraid to let people in because you fear that the past may happen again." That's when he explained what the Chariot card meant. The need to be courageous. The need to take risks.

Jani was right, I suppose.

What really put a smile on my face that night were the appearance of two cards - Page of Wands and Knight of Coins. There was another card that showed up, which was what I have always wanted, so that was a pleasant surprise. Hehe! I won't elaborate on this anymore. Let's just wait and see.

Haha!

Wondering on Pride weekend...

It's Pride weekend in Manila (or in the country?) and although I won't be able to join the celebration tonight by going to the White Party in Malate, I am one with the community in celebrating the "happy" life in my own small way.

This country still has a long way to go when it comes to LGBT issues, that's for sure. Much work is to be done, and the struggle that goes way back into the 70s, 80s goes on.

It's not really surprising.

If the LGBT community in the West is still in need of putting up a good fight for recognition and acknowledgment from their supposedly developed societies, what more could be expected from our Third World country?! Thank you for the individuals who continue to help put a voice to the community.

Forgive me, but the activist in me is getting a little stirred up by today's festivities, or lack of it. Hehehe!

Anyway, here is my "wonder list" on this special weekend. I'm calling it "wonder list" and not a "wish list" because I believe that change will happen. It's only a matter of wondering when it would really happen. I'm not calling it a "wish list" because wishes are a bit far from reality.

Here goes.

1.) I wonder when would people begin to understand that to be gay does not automatically mean that a man wants to be a woman; or that a woman to be a man.

C'mon. Sure there are queers who feel that way, and I respect them. What I'm saying here is that I wonder when would the public see that the community is much more diverse.

Sure, you got to the parloristang bading and the maton na tibo. But you've also got the gay guy who sports a goatee and loves cars or maybe some really butch contact sport. In the same way, you've got the femme lesbian who loves flirty dresses, and chic makeup and designer handbags.

That's why the rainbow symbolizes us, right? Because we're as diverse as the colors on its spectrum.

2.) I wonder when would people begin to understand that a gay relationship is not necessarily between an effeminate guy/straight guy or a butch lesbian/straight girl.

When I told a girl friend that I was hanging out with this straight guy, her comment was, "Hey, that's great. Who knows?! Maybe next you'll be celebrating anniversaries." I was like, "Girlfriend, maybe you should be teleported back to the stone age."

It's a bit tiring to explain that relationships between two gay guys or two gay girls do exist, but hey, if that's what's going to take to get people to understand things, then I'll be more than glad to explain it over and over again.

3.) I wonder when would people begin to acknowledge that discrimination exists. By discrimination, I'm not even talking about getting fired for being a fag, or being refused entry to a drinking establishment for wearing a dress and not a pair of pants.

I'm talking about snide remarks regarding a person's gender. How many times have we heard the comment, "Bading kasi iyon, eh." or "Palibhasa kasi tibo yan." Seriously, what does the person's gender have to do with the mean attitude or the under performance at a task, maybe?

In a past volunteer work (this doesn't involve Pahinungod), the group needed to do some heavy lifting. But since there were only a few men, one of the bosses suggested I go with a group of girls to help out with carrying boxes. One of the older bosses then remarked, "Sus, eh isa pa iyan." I should have clobbered that bitch. Instead, I shut up and chose to keep my job. In my head, I was thinking, "I'm more of a man than any of the other assholes in this group," but I wasn't brave enough to stand up against that person.

Still, I should consider myself lucky. I can only imagine how it is for the others putting up with ostracism and living in the margins on a daily basis because they choose to be who they are.

4.) I wonder if the public knows that there are those who experience violence for being queer. We've read about it in the US, and a couple of news reports in Europe, but locally, I've yet to see it on the papers. Whether it's the bullying at school because the little boy can't dribble a ball or to something more severe like lesbians getting raped because of the notion that experiencing cock would make a lesbian want to be with a man, these forms of violence against the community do exist.

I remember when I was still doing Icon, I came across this study on violence against lesbians. Cases of rape, physical violence were documented. And these are just the few who had the courage to voice out their experiences. Who knows what the others are experiencing?

These are just a few of the things I can think of right now. I'm sure there are alot more other issues to be covered. And with the vast work needed to be done, where does one begin really?

I don't know the answer, but I'm guessing it begins with each person. Change in thinking, openness to change are probably needed. Together with these, nurturing and inculcating tolerance, compassion and understanding among everyone could definitely contribute something. Yeah?

Happy Pride!

Ready for my Sunday GIG...

Got my race kit for the GIG Run a couple of minutes ago. Whoopppeee!

Looking forward to the run this Sunday. I'm quite excited because it'll be in UP Diliman. The change of scenery should be wonderful.

I'm sure it will be a fun experience running along the very familiar roads of the University, which was my home for a couple of years. The tree-lined avenues, the old buildings, the Oble watching all the runners. Yeehhhaa!

Because even Mr. Nice Guy can be wicked...

On my way home from the gym last night, the kid and I were on the same bus again. It was already late when I noticed that he was there, too. I was tired from the workout, and I usually just head to the last row of the bus when I see that my favorite seat is already occupied.

While getting myself settled at the last row, I saw the back of his head. He was about two rows away. Since it was already late, he had the row all to himself. I could have easily gotten up and sat beside him and say hi.

But I stayed where I was and when I reached my dropoff point, I got up, made my way to the front and made sure the kid saw me. And that he saw me looking all in a gym shirt, Nike shorts with my hairy legs, and the somewhat new Adidas. Hehehe!

When I got off the bus, I went my usual way not bothering to look back. Haha!

Do I sound bitter? Angry? Believe it or not, I'm neither. I was just really feeling "wicked" at that moment. I have been nothing but Mr. Nice Guy to the kid. From the time we waved at each other to the time he told me that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with another guy (Dude, you should have kept your hands to yourself), I have been Mr. Nice Guy.

CorpComm guy that I am, I even watched the words I used when I tried to convince you that it was worth checking out where things would lead but you refused. When I should have just said what was in my head at that moment, I was editing my words to make sure they weren't hurtful. Because I know you're a kid. And because I didn't want to be a person who bursts your bubble.

But last night, I was in a moment when I thought I put my feelings ahead of others, just for that night. Sorry for ignoring you. But I guess that was one way of letting you know that you being a kid is not an excuse, and that people won't bend backwards for you all the time, and that even Mr. Nice Guys can be wicked and big jerks sometimes.

I feel a bit guilty, because I myself hate it when I get ignored. But sometimes you got to do it, I suppose. And that's alright.

Because sometimes, even Mr. Nice Guy can be wicked...