30-year-old guys can still want butterflies in the stomach, right?

Okay, it's time for one of those post-birthday emo entries. Hehe!

I recently met someone, and he appeared to be somewhat partner material. Cute, funny, neat, seems to be sane, and I knew he liked me. Receiving several thoughtful text messages throughout the day was good proof for that, right? Even if he composed his text messages that drove the CorpComm guy in me really crazy - "Musta u? Kain na u. Mz u na." - , I appreciated the gesture and it felt good to know someone thought of me. It's been awhile since I've had that.

If I were to be logical about this whole thing, I would have already asked him that we date exclusively. He already met the basic requirement for partners. So really, what more could I ask for, right? Here's a nice guy who liked me and who wanted to be with me. Plus, there's the fact that I'm not getting any younger, right? If all I wanted was to have someone whom I can call a partner, there he was.

Instead, I choose to tell him that he's free to date others, that he shouldn't reject those who show interest in him. He insisted that it's just me who he wanted to see. Usually, I would be instantly happy when I hear that, given the fact that the possibility of a relationship doesn't come my way that often.

But there was something missing. I dunno. Not just enough oomph. It was like downing a couple of bottles of Strong Ice and not having that weird smile on my face which meant I'm buzzed. A thirty-year old guy can still look for butterflies in the stomach, right? Either the "kilig" factor wasn't there or being single for the past three years has made me forgotten certain emotions.

Or maybe I thought and felt the whole thing was going too fast. He wanted me to be a part of his life in an instant, while I wanted to take things one day at a time. I didn't see the need for the rush. I'm not leaving the country anytime soon and neither one of us is terminally ill (I hope).

To cut the story short, I think he just got tired of texting. And I got tired of texting him to slow down. He accused me that I didn't want to see him because I rarely text. I disproved him by saying that just because I didn't text as often automatically meant that I didn't want to see him.

Uhm, there was also a part of me that wasn't sure whether he really wanted a relationship. For one, whenever we were together, he'd go, "My ex this. My ex that." I didn't complain about it because he just came out of a bad relationship, and I was always ready to offer an ear to anyone who needed listening. Then, there's the fact that he rarely asked about "me" so he'd get to know me more. I had to inject a little about "me" when we'd talk.

But what really assured me that I did the right decision of not going for this were two text messages received when the SMS exchange became less frequent. One, he told me that he was planning to leave the country again. I asked him for details on this, but all I got was, "I still don't know."

Days after, another text came, saying "I'm getting married." When I got that message, I knew I did the right thing and I didn't even bother asking for details (e.g. Was he marrying a guy or a girl?) I just wished him the best of luck and I meant it. But seriously, what the f, man? You want to get into a relationship but obviously, you're not sure of what you want.

I dunno if turning 30 has something to do with this, but indecisiveness annoys me big time. Some things only need a yes or a no. Stop considering the "buts" and just have the balls to give me a straight answer.

When it comes to dating, I almost always let the other person have his way. Being the eldest son taught me to give up things for others. So usually, I’m pretty flexible and more than ready to adjust to the whims of others. But when I see that we’re wasting so much time and effort over certain things that apparently are so simple, that’s when I really step in and take on the role of feeling mas adult role. And you better be ready to argue your side. Hehe! (Yaiks, that makes me sound like a such grouch. Uhm, what I'm trying to say is I usually know when to argue my case and I know when to argue and let you win.)

Moving on, so I’m still single. And I really don’t know where to find a date. Haha! I rarely go to B, and my circle of "happy" friends is quite small. Some girl friends set me up with their friends but nothing’s come out of it yet. Uhm, I think some of them have this notion that all it takes to have a relationship is to make two homos meet each other. Hehe! Ah, I fell big time for someone early this year, but I knew I had to back off and this is another story. I’m interested in some people, but I’m still too torpe most of the time. Haha!

But would you agree that being single is still better than being in a relationship for the sake of being in one? I think it is, as long as one has single friends, too. Haha! And as long as one is mature enough to be an independent person ready to stand his ground and make decisions on his own.

When the temptation to try to look for a relationship comes just so I can change that blasted Facebook status, I just play track 12 of the tick tick Boom soundtrack. So by the time I hear the lines below, I’m brought back to believing in relationships need to happen for the right reason.

"Why do we stay with lovers who we know down deep just aren't right? Why would we rather put ourselves through hell than sleep alone at night?"