Thursday, March 5, 2015
Bless me with patience...
Just got back from the gym. Thursday nights are for the Pump class led by my other fave instructor Rae aka the partner-in-crime of Bae. Haha! For some reason, tonight's class was not full. In fact, there were a few boards that were still available. I wonder if it has something to do with today being the last day of the CNY celebration.
Anyway, while queuing for class registration, I was chatting with my best friend in Manila, Tey. We don't get to chat as much so I try to send messages when I can or on moments that I realise that I have some free time.
Earlier, I was telling her about how I'm getting a bit impatient with my plans. Aware that I am turning さんじゅろく さい this year and that my work pass will be up for renewal again towards the end of the year, I can't help but find myself having an unsettling feeling once again.
I told Tey, "I want something more permanent. I want something permanent." Permanent residency in a country/city other than my motherland where I can finally settle down. Permanent partner and a relationship. Permanent job (at least for the next 5 or 10 years?). One can only go on for so long in the state that I am in.
I do have plans in my head and written down on another journal. By this time, do this. If this doesn't work out, do this. Otherwise, do this.
Planning is not a problem; execution is the challenge partly because I have no control over things. I can have the best plans on paper but if the stars are not aligned, then there is that possibility of heartbreak. I believe in the saying, "Life is what you make of it." That is true. But for some reason, one can still plan and the world will still screw him/her over. Haha! When I pray, my fervent prayer is, "Lord, show me your will; your will be done." Okay, I'll start with "Lord, this is what I want... but still at the end of the day, your will be done." I also ask for some sign to show me that I'm going the right way. And sometimes, I will notice something and I'll wonder if it was a sign.
So, right now, I'm in some sort of waiting game. I'm waiting for certain periods to come and then I'll decide what to do next. To be honest, I have nothing to complain about - my work is doing okay, I have a job that pays the bills and allows me to live relatively comfortably, I am able to bring my Mom on a holiday, I can afford to go on holidays; I am doing other things besides work - museum volunteering; I'm enriching myself with the Japanese classes; I'm healthy; I'm single but I do try to put myself out there; I'm surrounded by friends who love me.
At the moment, things are very well. There is much to be thankful for. But like I said, I'm ready to move on to something more permanent, something bigger. Hopefully, prayers will be answered soon...
And if not, please bless me with patience. Haha!