Thursday, March 5, 2015

Bless me with patience...

Just got back from the gym. Thursday nights are for the Pump class led by my other fave instructor Rae aka the partner-in-crime of Bae. Haha! For some reason, tonight's class was not full. In fact, there were a few boards that were still available. I wonder if it has something to do with today being the last day of the CNY celebration.

Anyway, while queuing for class registration, I was chatting with my best friend in Manila, Tey. We don't get to chat as much so I try to send messages when I can or on moments that I realise that I have some free time.

Earlier, I was telling her about how I'm getting a bit impatient with my plans. Aware that I am turning さんじゅろく さい this year and that my work pass will be up for renewal again towards the end of the year, I can't help but find myself having an unsettling feeling once again.

I told Tey, "I want something more permanent. I want something permanent." Permanent residency in a country/city other than my motherland where I can finally settle down. Permanent partner and a relationship. Permanent job (at least for the next 5 or 10 years?). One can only go on for so long in the state that I am in.

I do have plans in my head and written down on another journal. By this time, do this. If this doesn't work out, do this. Otherwise, do this.

Planning is not a problem; execution is the challenge partly because I have no control over things. I can have the best plans on paper but if the stars are not aligned, then there is that possibility of heartbreak. I believe in the saying, "Life is what you make of it." That is true. But for some reason, one can still plan and the world will still screw him/her over. Haha! When I pray, my fervent prayer is, "Lord, show me your will; your will be done." Okay, I'll start with "Lord, this is what I want... but still at the end of the day, your will be done." I also ask for some sign to show me that I'm going the right way. And sometimes, I will notice something and I'll wonder if it was a sign.


So, right now, I'm in some sort of waiting game. I'm waiting for certain periods to come and then I'll decide what to do next. To be honest, I have nothing to complain about - my work is doing okay, I have a job that pays the bills and allows me to live relatively comfortably, I am able to bring my Mom on a holiday, I can afford to go on holidays; I am doing other things besides work - museum volunteering; I'm enriching myself with the Japanese classes; I'm healthy; I'm single but I do try to put myself out there; I'm surrounded by friends who love me.

At the moment, things are very well. There is much to be thankful for. But like I said, I'm ready to move on to something more permanent, something bigger. Hopefully, prayers will be answered soon...

And if not, please bless me with patience. Haha!


  1. Replies
    1. Haha! Usually, you have more words to offer. I'm not complaining, lol. Thanks, friend! X :)