Still...

I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Yeah, that's right. Bono is blaring off the iTunes as I type this entry. That's my song right now.

I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

I thought I have. But as I get to know this "thing" more and more, the more that I'm becoming afraid of it. I'm afraid I might forget what my aspirations really are. Is this "thing" what I really want? Have you ever been in such a situation? At first, you want it so badly. You pray for it. You wish for it. You think that it is the solution. You think it is what you've been waiting for for a long time.

And once you get it, for a certain time, you believe all these. Until you get yourself deeper and deeper into it. That's when you realize, "I still haven't found what I'm looking for."

What is one supposed to do? Just grin and bear it til one can? Or stay and be the change you want to be (as Michael Scofield once said to Sarah). Or should one keep on looking?

I could use a life coach right now. Back in college, I had one. He was a good friend from the university. We'd have these weekly conversations, and during those conversations, we talked about how things are going on for me - school, family, troubles, triumphs, what to do next. Those chats gave me a sense of security and guidance. It was some sort of validation that what I was doing was right, that the path I was creating for myself was correct.

When I decided to face the "real" me, that's when my life coach and I parted ways. Uhm, it's nothing bad. I made my choice, he had to make his. And that was it, really. Since then, I haven't found a new life coach. Every now and then, I would be blessed to bump into someone who would provide me with momentary talks. It's all for the better I guess. I can't really have someone holding my hand every step of the way, right? But I guess having someone older (?) and wiser who could impart some nuggets of wisdom when needed wouldn't be that bad either.