Just say yes...

Warning. Slightly emo post. Haha!

On a recent get-together, one of my good friends brought his partner to introduce to us. It's been quite awhile since I last saw this friend so I was really happy to see him. I was even happier because he had a plus one with him. Woohoo! Same time last year, I remember he was having guy problems and we were the same company he had then. It was really good that it was the opposite this year.

The two met at the most awkward situation. One friend thought it was a bit dangerous. Another friend thought it was alright. I thought it was amusing. Nice story. The two have been going out for several weeks now and seeing the way they looked at each other that night,I knew it was the start of something good. The jaded in me thought for five seconds, "Wait til you're two years in that relationship or whatever..." Haha! But the romantic side, as always, won. Congrats, you and you! :)

I will always be a romantic. My heart has been bruised, abused and overused too many times but I'm stubborn and I still keep subjecting myself to the same pain. It's stupid.

I'm reminded of what Grace Coddington said in The September Issue. She said it in a different context, but I think it's applicable to different situations.

"I think I got left behind somewhere because I'm still, you know, a romantic."

At the end of the night, - here comes the emo part... stop reading if you think you're going to throw up - I can't help but look at my own situation and wonder what the heck is wrong with me? I can't help but sometimes wonder why things are harder for me than for others when it comes to that department. And it's funny because I've been doing things to be "better." One friend kept making a huge issue about my weight. There wasn't a time that he didn't make me feel bad about myself. Looking back now, I don't think he really was a friend. Friends don't do that to friends. A small, small reason why I went to the gym was because of that. I'm somewhat thankful because it became a challenge for me, and I think the gym hours paid off. I'm far from having six pack abs, but I've definitely lost inches off my waist. Still, that didn't do anything for the dating department. Haha! (It did a lot for the health department though, and I couldn't be more thankful. I've never felt more healthier.

Another friend suggested I should just keep putting myself out there. I'd like to think I do that. The last two times I did, both ended up with a beating. And it's amusing because the time period between the two situations was too short. One of them was someone I've known for so long. I really thought we were on the same page. Days after I held his hand, I found out that I was reading a different book. Apparently, I was choosing my own adventure and he was choosing his own. Toinks! The one after him I thought was different. It felt different and I really thought that we were headed to something good. I laid down my cards. He did. We looked like we had the same expectations. But when I thought different about this one particular situation, it turned out that he wanted something else. Jack Berger-ed big time. I felt bad because I really thought he was the exception. Obviously, I thought wrong. Two of my best friends were furious with how the situation was handled. I sort of made an excuse for the guy. Stupid, huh? There's probably a "Gaguhin mo ko" post-it stuck somewhere on my head and I'm the only one who can't see it. Haha!

Then another friend suggested that I probably look straight. Uhm, I don't think so. Sure I do get the occasional "Pare" and *cringe* "Tol" from some colleagues from different departments, but I'm quite sure that there is no way I look straight. Haler, my bag is already a dead giveaway. How many straight men walking along Ayala Ave. carry tote bags? Haha! (Btw, that's one of the things I liked about Hong Kong, the men have the most awesome bags!!! I swear! Backpacks were very few. And I didn't see a single clutch bag. *major cringe* Haha!)

Oh well. I really dunno the answer. None at the gym. None at the dance clubs. None with friends of friends.

Sometimes I think it's because I'm probably too comfortable with being on my own. That's why the gods of love/dating think I'm fine on my own. Yeah, sure I'm okay on my own 98% of the time. I can watch a movie on my own. I can eat at a restau on my own. I prefer to shop alone. Gawd, I even went to KL on my own. And I'm going to SG on my own again this December to do a 21K run. (The only downside here is I won't have photos of the event. Huhuhu!)

And as I approach 31 this year, there's really a part of me that's prepping for the solo life. When you hit 30, you can't help but think about how you'll take care of yourself when you're 60. Is there a nice retirement village in Tagaytay or maybe in Iloilo? Haha! Or is it too early to think about that? Hahaha!

It just kinda sucks that sometimes the 2% puts me in a thinking/wishing mode. Harhar!

How comes it's difficult for some people? When really at the end of the day, all you really want is someone who's ready to...

just say yes.

To feel your heart beat through my shirt. That's all I want.

Here's a nicer remix by Bed's Toy Armada.