Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Random thoughts on the past...
Did he ever really love me?
The thought crossed my mind these past few days. In the almost four years that he and I were together, did he ever truly love me?
I knew that I held a special place in his life. I knew that I was part of his life. I just wonder if he was really in love with me.
Why did these thoughts suddenly appear? To be honest, it was because of this new person I recently met. I know it's not good to compare. I know that it is unfair to the ex. It is hard not to when the new person is the stark contrast.
This new person has only been in my life for a little over month and yet, he has already made me feel wanted the way most people would want to feel wanted.
He is courageous enough to reach out for my hand without so much subtlety when we sit side by side in public transportation. He will stand closer than usual when we're riding up the escalator. Anyone who could see us would know we are definitely not best friends. He would suggest taking the bus instead of the train because the former would mean getting to spend more time together.
He is daring enough to plant a kiss on my cheek when it is just me and him inside the lift.
If I dared to hold his hand while we walked along Orchard Road or some crowded mall, I am quite sure he would welcome it and not care about the world.
This is a surprise because he is not Filipino. And most people from his background are often described as reserved and lacking emotion.
His genuine care and affection has led me to tell him, "You are the exception and not the rule."
All these are but a few reasons as to why the thought of whether the ex really loved me crossed my mind.
He and I still talk. Sometimes, I am tempted to ask him. Then I realise there is no reason to it, so I leave the thought a thought. Add to that the fact that he and I are still friends. We still chat regularly. It will be stupid to ruin the friendship because of something that is done and over with.
Maybe one day, I will get to ask.